


lackluster

by TAEILTIMEU



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, kunil, kunil are exes, lapslock, mentioned Wen Junhui - Freeform, mentioned Xu Minghao, taeil is called dal, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:20:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27188545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TAEILTIMEU/pseuds/TAEILTIMEU
Summary: his life was boring, monotonous, lackluster, and that lifestyle had been perfectly fine for him. he had no major things to worry about, but also nothing major to be so happy about that he could cry. he’d been living like that since he had graduated from university and became a music producer.
Relationships: Moon Taeil/Qian Kun
Kudos: 6





	lackluster

someone sat down next to him outside the reception. “hello?” he muttered, turning his head to see a tall dude, his hair gelled yet messy, strangely enough, his eyes were reddish as if he had just cried. what the  _ hell _ . 

  
  


the tall dude sighed. “the one getting married is my best friend.” … is he aware that this is a stranger he’s talking to?

“are you sure you’re talking to the right person?” he said lightly, not trying the tall dude next to him who could easily beat him up. the same dude shrugged and stared at him in the eyes. 

  
  


“i saw you walk out before heading to the reception, i thought maybe someone was going the same thing as me. i figured ten wouldn’t mind it if I attended the reception a little later.” oh. ten was the groom’s name? dal almost forgot. 

“hm. i guess. the groom and i had history before, except it had been, like what? 7 years or so since we broke up?” dal shrugged, not bothering to remember. he remembered the old times when he had everything listed in his calendar, monthsaries, their first times, you name it. 

“do you still have feelings? for your ex? kun?” The tall dude, he’s gonna need a name soon, leant back and asked him like it was normal.

dal shook his head, even he’s not sure what he feels. “no.. we stopped talking after we broke up, we actually tried a year after we graduated. we tried to see what would happen if we stayed with each other. it was stressful. we argued a lot too, despite not even living with each other. you can practically imagine the struggle.” dal replied, shrugging. 

  
  


if you had brought that up to him 5-7 years ago, you could’ve been witnessing hin full on sobbing or being angry. depends on the day, really. 

  
  


_ “no— kun listen to me god damn it!” dal shouted, sitting down on the sofa angrily, tightly gripping his cellphone as he does so. then, the call abruptly ended and dal felt his eyes water. what had become of both of them?  _

“if that’s what happened to you then why— how did you get here now?” the tall dude asked, and honestly? dal tried to remember.  _ how exactly did he get to this point? _

\-- ( about a week ago ) 

his life was boring, monotonous, _lackluster_ , and that lifestyle had been _perfectly_ _fine_ for him. he had no major things to worry about, but also nothing major to be so happy about that he could cry. he’d been living like that since he had graduated from university and became a music producer. 

  
  


the tranquility of his day to day routine was disrupted when he got an invite to his ex’s wedding. It wasn’t like he still had feelings for him. It was just… overwhelming. in a way. he forgot the genuine days, or rather years, when everything seemed, lively, exciting, when there was something to look forward to everyday. 

“you are invited to… ten? and… kun’s wedding.” he read aloud, trailing off at the end. kun…. kun’s getting married…? Is this the same kun he thinks it is? kun, his college ex… wow. 

it was next week on a saturday too. right after hyuck’s, an idol who he works for him who claims he’s dal’s son, album release. all the workload will be finished at that time. he sighed, would it be worth it to come…? 

_ “what would you imagine your wedding would be like?” dal asked, looking up to kun’s height. kun, now out of his daydream, looking down on him getting deep in thought again. “our wedding?” he hummed playfully and tried to think. dal, only now noticing what kun said, slapped him in the arm, his face flushed. “kun!”  _

_ kun raised his arms up in surrender and answered dal’s question. “i don’t know. something simple yet unforgettable.” he shrugged before changing the topic. “weddings are useless, it’s just a formality to prove to everyone that you have money and you’re tied to the possible love of your life. it isn’t necessary.” and, dal agreed.  _

kun’s wedding, his wedding was extravagant. the reception was at a expensive place. the ceremony was held at a chruch and the designs were  _ immaculate _ . dal wonders who this ten was to change kun’s mind about being married and settling down. he must’ve been special. doing something that dal could never in any lifetime at all. 

he plopped down on his bed, holding the letter as he sighed. he raised it and stared at it for a few moments. would it be a good idea to come? he was invited after all. it would be rude to not arrive. 

—-

he grumpily got up, streching his feet and arms and he stood up. he vaguely remembers asking hyuck to go suit shopping with him, the latter groaned, already feeling an incoming headache.  _ why _ did he ask again? then his phone rang. 

“gOOOOOD MOORNINGGGG” the idol on the other line said, piercing dal’s eardrum. the said boy almost threw his phone, startled from the greeting. “are you ready for suit shopping with yours truly?” hyuck calmed down, his voice still loud nonetheless. dal nodded, but quickly remembered he can’t be seen so he mumbled a small yes and ended the call.

—

dal and hyuck went home after shopping dal, obviously tired from the spree, plopped on to the bed. how he dreaded the wedding to come. but, he’d already bought a suit on impulse. it would be useless if he didn’t use it. 

—

dal got up, he checked his calendar. wednesday goddamit. he grabbed his towel begrudgingly and sang in the shower, finding beats and melodies hopefully produce in his studio. 

he went out of the house, checking his house keys, phone, wallet, the good stuff, and entered his car, suddenly craving an iced americano before a stressful day at work. he was helping the soloist, dejun, stage name xiaojun, record for his solo. this was going to be a ride, dal sighed. 

he entered the coffee shop, suddenly hitting him that oh. kun’s cousin owned this branch. he panicked for a moment, but then remembered kun’s cousin didn’t have to be present on the job even if he owned it. 

“oh, dal?” someone called out. he turned, jun, just the cousin he wanted to avoid, wearing an apron. he approached dal who was frozen. dal let out a nod, hoping he’d just ask for his order. 

jun smiled warmly, ushering him to take a seat. “hey! i had to cover for an employee's shift since they’re ill. it’s been so long.” jun said with a sad smile, dal nodded again expressionless. jun stared for moment before he asked. 

“were you invited?” he said, very hesitantly at that. he knows what marriage is— was to the former, kun and dal, couple and how it was meaningless to the both of them - but now that kun himself, the strong-willed kun who didn’t believe in useless papers and formalities getting married, wow. 

dal nodded. “we broke up years ago. it— he’s n— he can do whatever he wants now.” dal said, stumbling over his words, hopefully not being rude. jun nodded, understanding that dal didn’t want to talk about it. 

“how’re things with hao?” dal asked, jun blushed. “he’s fine, actually, we adopted a kid.” he smiled brightly. dal’s eyes brightened up, he and kun always talked about wanting to adopt— oh. there— they— um. that was an awkward thought. 

dal’s eyes faltered but continued smiling, and jun didn’t notice thankfully. “have you already decided on a name yet?” dal asked, successfully turning the attention to junhui. 

“ah— we thought it would be nice to name him renjun. we might adopt a girl too if it’s possible.” considering the chinese heritage of the couple, it would be understandable that they’d name it with a meaning. 

“anyways, what would your order be?”

—— 

dal read through xiaojun’s lyrics. 

“I'm staying up

I don't wanna come

Down from your love

We'll get lost together

Let me flow

Don't ever let me come

Down from your love

From your love

From your love”

he looked up at the soloist how was nodding his head to the instrumental playing faintly in the background, the exciting yet mysterious beat leaving you wondering for more, flows through the air. “say, who did you write this for?” dal asked. 

dejun looked at him, before looking away. “i was on the verge of a break up, then i wrote this for my boyfriend. i was broken at the time and writing my feelings out was an escape. i decided to use it. it’s practically overflowing with my feelings so why not? i want hendery to hear it too, even though it’s been a year since that incident.” dal hummed— and froze in place. 

_ broken at the time and writing my feelings out was an escape. _

**because of you** . he— he forgot.  **because of you** — where was the copy? god dammit. where had he last seen it? was it on his old phone— a notebook that— that he kept or— a notebook. the diary, the diary kun gave him. oh my god. 

“we’ll start now, i’m sure you’re done with your vocal exercises?” dejun nodded. “perfect.” 

——

dal rummaged through the black diary kun gave him. (read: “i know you don’t like telling people what you feel, and i respect that. i just hope you can find a way to vent what you feel and someone or something will listen.”)

and finally, oh  _ god _ finally. finally he finds it. 

his fingers trace the parts where the paper had been painted with silent tears, now dried up and almost faded in a way that it messed the paper. 

Without being able to say anything

I’m just looking at you

I call and call and call out to you

But I don’t hear your voice

I can’t stop this love, you’re the one who made me live

I can’t let you go, you’re more precious than my own life

Even if it hurts, it’s alright, because I love you

I try to forget you and turn around but my heart finds you

Even if I cry, it’s alright, because I love you

Though it hurts, I’m gonna wait for you, my last love

Because it’s you

The only one in my life, my everything

Even if my tears cover my eyes, I can’t let you go

Even if it hurts, it’s alright, because I love you

I try to forget you and turn around but my heart finds you

Even if I cry, it’s alright, because I love you

Though it hurts, I’m gonna wait for you, my last love

Because it’s you

Even if we’re under the same sky

I’m wandering, looking for you

Because my heart aches, because tears fall

I can’t live a day without you

I love you forever, until the day I die

I thank you so much, you live in my heart

Even if I cry, it’s alright, because I love you

Though it hurts, I’m gonna wait for you, my last love

Because it’s you

and dal cries like he hasn’t in long time.  _ why _ ? why does he still remember the tune?  _ why _ ?  _ why _ can he still see himself suffering and writing it, burying himself to writing the song to try and ignore it?  _ why _ can he see himself failing to ignore the heaviness of his chest?  _ why _ is this being brought up again? he moved on a long time ago.  _ why _ now?

dal sobbed, shaking as he slightly shoved the diary to the side, taking his face in his palms and trying to breathe calmly. he can’t— he  _ can’t _ breathe properly. he covered his ears, hating hearing himself cry. he remembered kun comforting him— telling him that it was okay to cry. that nothing would change if he cried. and dal remembered his wall crumbling and sobbing into kun’s arms for the first time that night. 

and if he had changed then 7 years ago, would it be him walking on the altar with kun? would they have planned the future like they have never done back then? would they continue to adopt a child and name them chenle so the child’s nickname could be lele? so many regrets and unanswered questions. 

for the first time in 5 years, dal let himself to cry— to be broken. for once he’d let himself be weak. 

—- 

“yo, what’re you playing?” hyuck asked, informally making his presence known as he entered the room. dal, on the piano, hm-ed and ignored him. he rather focused on getting the chords right. 

“yoo, that sounds lit fam!” hyuck squealed and dal came to a stop. “this is why you should stop hanging out with that white dude!” he said before continuing. “he’s not white— he’s ca-nae-dyan.” hyuck said proudly to prove a point. 

dal rolled hi eyes. “the title’s ‘because of you.’ i wrote it 7 years ago and i’m trying to find the right chords.” 

“here, let me help.” 

— 

it was the next morning and dal felt like he got slapped in the face. today was stressful as it was hyuck’s solo’s release date so the expectations of the staffs for the view count were high. he still had to work on dejun’s solo and on top of that the wedding was in 2 days.

“ge.” dejun called out to him as he spaced out. he whipped his head and saw dejun’s eyes sparkling. “that— that little mistake you added while you were spacing out was  _ perfect _ . keep it in the song please, let’s add more.” dal let out a sigh in relief. 

—

dal let his feet take the lead. hyuck’s music video had gotten above the goal and they were ecstatic about the positive attention it had gotten so they’re filming a special for hyuck’s “sunflowers” and then they’re filming dejun’s music video for his solo so he isn’t needed anywhere in the studio. 

he stopped. no. his feet did not subconsciously take him here. out of all of the places. the bench as he dubbed it. it was the bench where he and kun broke up. the breakup was so calm but in reality, dal wanted to scream but that’s what was the best for them. he opted for closing his eyes instead.

(7 years ago) 

“kun.” dal said, looking up at kun who approached him. and from that look, dal— dal just  _ knew _ . he knew that they wouldn’t last forever of course but, that doesn’t make what kun’ll do hurt less. 

“dal,” kun said in a whisper, hesitating to speak up. dal tapped the spot beside him and waited for kun to sit. kun eventually sat down. dal softly patted kun’s head playing with the soft locks and pulling kun to lean down on his shoulder. 

“i know what you’re going to say, but can we please just stay like this? just for a moment.” before… before we become strangers again. was left unsaid. kun just.. layed there, complying with dal’s wishes. 

on a cold november night, a couple broke up sitting on the bench. on the very same month seven years later, dal came back feeling the heartbreak he did those years ago. 

it was upsetting how refreshed he felt feeling things, a change from his usual monotonous life. 

—— 

dal drove to the church taking deep breaths. he was to sit at the back row and leave before everyone else. it was that simple. 

-

no one noticed dal, despite his red hair, he stayed in the corner. everyone stood up so he figured he would too. was this the other groom? 

he walked by, and oh. he’s stunning. just the same height as him as he tutted in his white suit, his eyes were catlike and he seemed to have a playful aura around him. 

maybe, dal approves. he wants the best for kun and it— it seemed like this was it. he was for kun. the way they look at each other, they know they were meant to be. 

dal, dal never stood a chance did he? there was an— an undeniable energy between them. even if he’d changed himself, the groom and kun will always find a way to each other. it was just that. it’s scary how much you could tell from just their stares. 

he wasn’t happy, not really. but, he— doesn’t really know how he feels. he’s certainly not happy with it, but he lets it be. that’s kun’s happiness. and kun’s not his anymore. so, he lets it go. 

“if anyone wishes to object, speak now or forever hold your peace.” and no one speaks, no one bursts through the door, no one raises their hand. kun and ten felt relieved as they smiled at each other. 

for the second time, dal let kun go. 

—

“ um, i drove here i guess.” dal shrugged to the tall dude. the tall dude gave up, leaning back. he sat up with wide eyes. “i need to go, i’m johnny by the way, johnny suh.” the tall dude, now known as johnny shook his hand. “it was nice meeting you— uh…” “dal.” “yeah. nice meeting you dal.” 

dal stayed there for about 30 minutes, trying to update hyuck about his song. until he saw kun approaching and decided to leave first, getting in his car and sighing deeply. he might’ve let him go, but he wasn’t quite ready to approach him yet. not just yet. especially after that breakdown, he— can’t for now. 

it’s been 10 minutes of dal driving, and suddenly there’s a podcast on the radio playing. he doesn’t know the next song, but the person who introduced the next song had the sweetest voice. deep and smooth and generally comforting. it was nice. 

“this is a recommendation by yours truly, johnny suh. this is dedicated to the stranger i saw on my bestfriend’s wedding. now playing, happier by ed sheeran.” oh. this was johnny… 

he nodded to the song, not minding the lyrics. until the end, 

'Cause baby, you look happier, you do

I knew one day you'd fall for someone new

But if he breaks your heart like lovers do

Just know that I'll be waitin' here for you

he felt his eyes watering again, wiping it with one hand. ten wouldn’t break kun’s heart, kun was and is the sweetest boy and yeah they’ll have fights but, they’re crafted for each other. there’s no doubt in their eyes that ‘till death do them part. 

this is it. it’s quicker than he expected. he took 2 years to move on the last time, and now it took a week. that’s improvement. 

this was a wrinkle in his boring life, but he was content with that life and he intended to keep it that way. his life was lackluster, nothing to be excited about nor to he happy about. but atleast, he let go of past baggage. 


End file.
